My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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