You made me cry and you don't even care
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
