Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
