Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
