Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
