So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
