I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I accidentally had phone sex last night
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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