Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
