Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
