you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
