In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
