Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
