she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
