I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
