Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
