Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
