I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
