she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
