Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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