I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
false alarm, still single
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
