i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
