I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
