Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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