Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
