I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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