literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
