There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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