dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
