Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
