I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
