You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
this hospital has no fireball
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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