I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
