Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
