garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
