dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
