drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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