whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
