Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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