I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
