i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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