I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
