i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
