I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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