We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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