i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
