So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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