Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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