Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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