my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
