I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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