OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
