I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
