I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
