Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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