My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
