At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
