i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
