Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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