I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
