I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
