I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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