My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
