just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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