he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
