I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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