I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
