Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
