Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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