It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
