Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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