I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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