New invention idea: vibrating tampons
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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